Things I never thought I'd have to tell my 2 year old

"Maddy! Do not run over your sister with your trike!"

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Maddy1: "Eyes, eyes!"

Me: "Yes, those are your sisters eyes, do not poke at them."

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Maddy1: "Hush, dacey, hush!"

Me: "Maddy, do not tell your sister to hush."

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Maddy1: "No, no, dacey, no, no!"

Me: "Maddy, let Mommy handle your sister, ok?"

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"Maddy, do not put your sister's dirty diaper in your mouth!"

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"Maddy, do not dig in the garbage. Garbage is a no, no. Yucky!"

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"Maddy, when you have poopies, please do not stick your fingers in your diaper!"

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"Maddy, don't sit on your sister, she's a baby!"

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"Maddy, don't lay on your sister, she's a baby!"

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"Maddy, do not throw toys at your sister . . . you'll give her an oweee."

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"No that's not poopie, that's a rock."

"No that's not poopie, that's lint."

(Do you see a pattern here? Everything that is dark colored is poopie!)

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"Maddy, do not put your hands in the toilet. That's yucky!"

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"Maddy, where did you get that cookie?" (Maddy walks to the garbage can and points)
"Maddy! Do not eat stuff out of the garbage, baby! It's yucky!"

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Next day . . . Maddy walks up to me licking an empty yogurt container.

"Maddy! Didn't Mom tell you yesterday not to eat stuff out of the garbage? Now go put it back and let's wash our hands."

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"Maddy, do not drink the bath water, baby. It will give you a tummy ache."

"Seriously, stop drinking the water!"

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REPEAT ALL OF THESE ABOUT A GABILLION TIMES A DAY AND THERE YOU HAVE IT . . . THAT'S WHAT I DO ALL DAY!