Friday, March 28, 2008

To My Wonderful Friends Over At the Food Network:

(A letter I drafted to the Food Network)

I just wanted to write you a short little note to let you know just how much I (and my hubby) have enjoyed your channel. I've learned so much over the past couple of years. By the way, while I've got your attention, could you tell Paula I said "hey y'all!" Anyway, I was just sitting around thinking today, 'cause that's what we stay-at-home-mom's do you know, sit on the couch and eat bon bon's all day, anyhoo . . . yes, back to thinking, and I came up with this great idea for a new show. Seeing as how I'm never able to complete Rachael's 30-minute meal in just 30 minutes, or Sandra Lee's Semi-Homemade Meals EVEN.THOUGH.THEY.ARE.SEM-I-HOMEMADE, I thought I'd throw my name in the hat for a new show. Ya know, somethin' to spice things up a bit. And I thought I'd call it Chaos in the Kitchen!Has a nice ring to it! Now you just wait a minute! Before you start jumping to conclusions, let me finish telling you about it. I'd thought I could attempt to make some very family friendly, culinary works of art that are staples in every household (like fried spam and mac-n-cheese) . And just to shake it up a bit, I thought I'd do it all while my two little ones (Maddy age 2.5 and Baby Lulu age 1) were running around the kitchen. 'Cause let's face it, that's real life for ya people! And I might even have to balance the littlest one on my hip while cooking 'cause she's quite the "Mama's Girl" if you know what I mean. But no worries, I'll only have to stop 3 or 4 times to hand the two of them juice, or crackers, or yell for my husband to GET.EVERYONE.OUT.OF.THE.KITCHEN.RIGHT.THIS.MINUTE.BEFORE.I.REALLY.START.HOLLERIN. Oh, and I thought you might want to give me a little more than an hour to fix said culinary work of art because, well, it is a work of art and I will be wrestling two kids. And maybe I could answer a cell phone call or two while I'm at it. You know, just for added excitement. What you think?

Well, why don't you just pass that idea around the board room for a couple of days. No need to answer my letter immediately. I'll just be waiting here patiently and continuing to watch my favorite shows as always.

The Queen of Chaos in the Kitchen

3 comments:

Megan (FriedOkra) said...

Too funny! But I don't think I could watch it because it'd hit too close to home and make me a nervous wreck.

Anna K. said...

Ha! Ain't that the truth! Even the simplest dinner seems to take forever when I'm juggling preparations and everythingelseyoucouldpossiblyimagine!
Chaos in the Kitchen does have a ring to it.....

Anonymous said...

Hey, I think that is a real "reality show" great idea! Well do I remember the days! You should get some great interaction from your watchers who are at home doing the very same thing! Love, Pianomum